The level of your strength does not equal your absence of fear. Your confidence is not dependent upon your lack of self doubt. Your personal power is not parallel to the way you appear to others.You Speaking to Yourself.
Preface: This letter to myself is a continuation from last week’s letter. You can access it here as the pieces of this story build upon themselves.
This is the 2nd submission in a series I am titling “Dear Self.”
They are letters, written to myself, with the purpose of cleaning up some of the sticky stuff in my head… Like goo gone for my brain and I want to share these thoughts because I think many of these sticky subjects are so intertwined with the fabric of our internal life that we sometimes forget that they also exist outside of ourselves – that other people experience sticky stuff, as well. And sometimes the sticky stuff is the very thing that binds us together.
So, welcome to the sticky inner workings – where the pollen is harvested, refined, and hopefully, at some point, turned into honey.
Last week was trying. That’s a good thing. You were forced to analyze and dissect your own feelings of self doubt and unworthiness and it was really good for you. You learned a few things about yourself.
- That the level of your strength does not equal the absence of your fear.
- Your confidence is not dependent upon your lack of self doubt.
- Your personal power is not parallel to the way you appear to others.
These are some powerful realizations. You realized that you are a big tall tree in a river. Sometimes the water is really wild and high and intimidating, and sometimes it trickles gently on by. But you know what? In the face of constantly changing circumstances you are unshakeable. You are choosing to root down deep and wide so you will not be over turned. I am so proud of your fortitude and commitment to your growth.
Also, despite your feelings of self doubt, unworthiness, and fear, you still made the call. You phoned the well connected gentlemen you met in Los Angeles last spring who asked if he could share your new music with some people he knows in the music industry in Nashville. And you know what? Share it he did.
You sent him an EPK and he forwarded it with a personal note to his friend at a major international music management company. That was on Monday. You didn’t hear anything on Tuesday, but you don’t give up so easily, so on Wednesday, you emailed this manager and added,
“I’m sure you hear a lot of artists and a lot of music very often in your position. I would imagine it’s overwhelming at times. I do believe, though, that I have a unique perspective, voice, and story to share. If you have any questions, please let me know. I look so forward to hearing from you. :)”
Yes, you did add the :). You are so committed to being yourself. That email was sent at 2:07 PM and exactly seven minutes later, at 2:14 PM you received a response that said “why are you tracking how long it takes me to respond to you? Are you a creep?” JK. That’s not what the response said. It said “I would love to jump on the phone sometime. When are you free?”
At this point you smiled to yourself. Instead of fear or self doubt you felt excitement. You spent most of last weekend undoing those sticky feelings of unworthiness and transformed them into seeds of possibility. Ones like this:
What if it IS my time? What if I am ready right now? What if I am good enough? What if my art really is f-ing kick a$$? If not you, lady, who?
You started shifting your mindset from fear into personal power. You wrote on your chalkboard wall “MY ART IS WORTHY” and “MAKE BRAVE DECISIONS.” Why? Because somehow you magically let go of all your self doubt? No. Because you intend to fight it thought by thought.
Here’s the reality: We all doubt ourselves sometimes. It’s especially normal when you are doing things that push you beyond your comfort zone. Things like contacting high level decision makers in the music industry that could change the trajectory of your music or ignore you completely. – Those are intimidating things. It’s ok to admit it. It’s just not ok to not do them. Be as nervous as you need to be, sweet girl, just don’t let the nerves stop you. You aren’t the shrinking kind. You never have been and you never will be.
Here’s what you are:
You are a divine dichotomy. A gorgeous cacophony of brave and vulnerable, soft and steel, action and rest, holding on for dear life and letting go, intelligence and intuition, unconditional love and boundaries, kindness and impassioned fortitude, music and silence… You, my dear woman, are exactly as you need to be. You are enough whether this manager sees potential in you or not. You are worthy whether you are picked or not. You are loved whether you find success in the world’s eyes or not.
You have no idea what this phone call will hold. It’s scheduled for Monday of next week. But, what you do know is… you will show up in that moment with your unique cacophony of divine dichotomy. It’s who you already are and who you will always be no matter what happens in the future.
I’m so proud of you for leaning into your fear instead of shying away from it.